Ever dreamed of having a phenomenal sex life? Sure, haven’t we all. It’s time you learned how to make that a reality. Incorporate these 5 steps, and start building the sex life you have always wanted.
1. Learn what phenomenal means Each person has their own definition of what a phenomenal sex life means to them. Don’t just assume you and your partner are on the same page, or that there is a commonly held definition. Really focus on what your ideal sex life looks like to you. Think about frequency, timing, foreplay, satisfaction, anything and everything. Does the number of orgasms matter to you, or do you care more about how attentive your partner is? Do you desire variety and intense passion? Do you want familiarity and a partner who does all of your favorite things? What constitutes great sex? It really is different for everyone. Discover your own definition and then find out what your partner’s definition is. Are they compatible? Will you both need to compromise or take turns getting your needs met?
2. Communicate what you want
One key component to developing a phenomenal sex life is being able to communicate to your partner what you do and don’t want. Both you and your partner need to start having conversations about likes, dislikes, desires, fantasies, boundaries, and needs. These conversations may be awkward at first if you aren’t comfortable talking about sex, but the more you do it the easier it gets. Talk about how you want your partner to communicate these things to you. Would you prefer some gentle guidance in the moment, or would you prefer to have a conversation beforehand? What kind of feedback is helpful, and what kind bothers you? Make sure you show your admiration and appreciation for each other throughout this process. If there are incompatible desires or fantasies, talk about them, or discuss it with a professional if necessary. Part of having a phenomenal sex life is making sure neither of you feel pressured nor push each other’s boundaries.
3. Be comfortable with your partner Most of the time, being completely comfortable with your partner is a vital component to getting the sex life you want. There are different types and levels of comfort. We aren’t talking about the type of comfort that makes people take each other for granted or stop putting effort into a relationship. We are talking about the type of comfort and emotional intimacy that makes you feel like you can be yourself and ask for what you want from the person you love. If you don’t feel that is currently possible, or just thinking about steps 1 and 2 made you cringe with embarrassment, make it a priority to address your discomfort. Key components of a phenomenal sex life include knowing that you desire one another, having the confidence that your partner will want to know how to please you, and that you will build confidence by your ability to please them. That can’t happen without a certain level of comfort between partners.
4. Eliminate any barriers
There are endless barriers that can get in the way of having the sex life you want, if you let them. Work, kids, family, hobbies, chores, health, disagreements, insecurities, lack of energy, resentments; the list really could go on forever. Many people use these things as excuses, valid or not, to why they can’t have sex as often as they would like. None of them are barriers unless you allow them to be. Identify what current barriers there are in your lives, and one by one, resolve them. There are always solutions; get creative. Use the time spent doing chores as relationship building time, or incorporate in foreplay or do other things to build anticipation. Trade sleepover nights a couple times a month with other parents to give everyone a kid- free break. Make your health and sleep a priority you can manage and maintain the rest of your life. Learn to set boundaries with work, family, friends, etc. If you are fighting or having other issues, talk to a couples counselor or try self- help activities. Prioritize your relationship and start eliminating the barriers.
5. Make the time
If you want a phenomenal sex life, don’t let your life get in the way. Once you and your partner have decided how often sex should be incorporated into your relationship to keep you both satisfied, make it happen. Schedule it on your calendar, or decide what activities can be pushed aside if either of you are feeling spontaneous. Frequent, satisfying sex will build closeness and reinforce your bond.
Now if any of you are thinking, easier said than done. It is only as difficult as you make it. No matter how complicated the situation, there’s always a solution. If you want the phenomenal sex life you’ve been dreaming about, get busy. Prioritize your relationship and don’t let life or yourselves get in the way.
Have any tips to share with our community? Comment below.